Eeewwwww

I’m not new to wearing lipstick as I used to wear it as a child, playing at home with my dolls and tea sets. I was a pretty glamorous child, with patent shoes, an obsession with denim and loved my weekends shopping for various items from Harrods etc, as long as they looked good with the new books I would read. I would pose when reading at home; as far as I knew the world was a stage and I was free to prance around like a typical spoilt child. Nowadays, not so much. The world is still very much a large and scary stage, but I do not feel confident, especially with my lips. During the course of ‘my downfall’ kids would taunt me every day about the size and colour of my lips, and I even got a horrible nickname ‘rubber lips’ from a weird kid who grew up and turned out to be one of the loneliest dude’s about town. For years I was tormented with having these lips, and most days I used to hate them. I would walk around sucking them in so no one could see. How I longed to have normal lips. To this day, I still don’t understand them and wish I could wear lip stick like other people. I have however found lip tints, and I find them to much more rewarding, even though I have two different coloured lips. Darn it!

I did wear a red lip stick once and received mixed views, but due to how much the taunting of my lips impacted on my self esteem I took heed of the bad comments more than the good ones. I just believe when someone says I have nice lips these days, I just assume they are being nice for the sake of it, and not being true. I still have this strong love/hate relationship with them. This year I intend on finding my colour and I hope to document it on my channel as time goes on, so bare with me. For now, lip tints are my thing, but I still need to find the right colour. The other day I wore Maxfactor’s tint in number 4 in Berry Burst and was told, in front of a crowd mind you, by a colleague (this girl hates me and loves to put me down in front of people just to get some sort of reaction) that I was ugly with lipstick on as my lips were too bold. Weird thing was, it was a lip tint and very lightly added. I looked at the other girl’s reaction and her face told me what was on her mind. So now I have retreated to the lipstick closet until I find a shade I like and feel confident in.

So far, Phoenix is sending me wonderful inspirations and helping me out by suggesting darker shades like Dita Von Teese and Gabrielle Union and so far I like them! The journey starts here!

Enjoy the video below, I found it whilst surfing for tattoo advice videos…

100 Bullets

Madame Xanadu and House of Mystery

Image via Wikipedia

Image via Wikipedia

I have gone further into my new addiction that is the DC relaunch. So far the titles I have are as follows:

Justice League

Aquaman

Batman

Wonder Woman

Green Lantern

Green Lantern Corps

Action Comics

The Flash

The Dark Knight

and last but sadly I won’t be continuing, Superman (deciding not to continue with this series was a hard choice to make, but I have my reasons). Go to DC Comics website for lots of information and free downloads!

For now, I am trauling the net for video reviews on various titles I’ve been recommended and one is from this dude:

Here’s his video, and I am adding the series to my list! Yay!

I’m actually getting sick of all the celeb gossip when it comes to failed marriages, pointless money grabbing divorces and the attention seeking divorcees, who later reconcile via text messages only to end up in last week’s columns and end it all yet again. Growing up I was one of those little girls who lived in a fantasy world created by Disney, hoping to fall hopelessly in love with my prince charming. Most people, usually angry people, would say that Disney and such other groups “Lie to our children!” but I don’t think so. Due to how horrible, unstable and crappy the world is, especially when depicted in glossy magazines, we need something to shield the young minds and the all seeing eyes of our young generation, so thank you Disney. I’d feel good knowing my little sister continued being obsessed with all things pink and Hello Kitty until she was in her teens, as I wouldn’t have to worry about the talks of “Why won’t anyone love me?” or “Why do people think it’s okay to kiss other people on the lips instead of their husbands or wives?” (Those are just a few of the questions my 7 year old sister has asked me). I often ask these questions myself. Why is it okay?

Plato once said “Love is a serious mental disease” and I can’t agree more. It is a disease, especially if it ends up as an addiction. Any therapist will tell you that you need to understand both sides of a coin before you go ahead with any major project. I think love happens to be one of those major projects in life. Lots of people fall in love, and it’s that feeling that can make or break a person. I’m lucky to have friends who are happily married with or without children. I love seeing a woman smile when she’s in thought thinking about something small her husband/boyfriend did, because it makes me hopeful that one day, when the timing is right I’ll be smiling like her. I like seeing my old guy friends in a happy and stable relationship, as they become like little boys all over again, and that makes me feel I’m definitely a young woman that would make a guy proud too. All this hopeful thinking is what makes love an addiction to me. I get a sort of ‘high’ when I meet someone. I get all weird and blushy, I can’t stop smiling like the Cheshire Cat. My crushes get so intense, that when things don’t go the way I thought they would, I literally come crashing down. I end up in the self dug pit and sulk over how loveless my life will be.

Sadly, I’ve only had one relationship; it was long distance and lasted 5 months. I’ve not had any major practice with love, but I’ve heard and read enough to pretend like I know what it is all about. I get by. These days, and hopefully this year, I’ll learn what it is to be single and how to enjoy it properly without going overboard (the cuts are killing my purse, budget people!). There are magazines I love like ELLE and Marie Claire that give me enough information on love, relationships and how to be single without a morsel of sleaziness. They are what I call the ‘ideal ladies magazines’ because of their focus on women and they have practically raised me, alongside The Times and The Guardian. Without them I wouldn’t be a strong minded woman. I’d be one of those women who couldn’t live without a man or worse couldn’t live without insulting a man just for the sake of it. I’d be crazy… or in the middle of ending a relationship where the word ‘trust’ is only ever heard on Jeremy Kyle. I have already started teaching my little sister about the benefits of clothes and looking good.

When I hear about how some celebs are divorcing or breaking up, I can immediately see if they want to publicise it (depending on how much they could earn being non-human) or if they want a quiet break up with minimal tabloid interest. It’s the people I read about having quiet break ups that I don’t mind being role models for young people. Yeah the relationship broke up after so many years; at least they tried and tested their love until it was no more. It’s the weirdoes who get married in front of the TV and divorce days later (in front of the TV) that bug me. Little girls especially will see these fabulous looking women and think its fine to end a marriage without jumping over the first hurdle together. Young boys will think its fine to call a woman a whore whilst sleeping with half of the town when all his girlfriend or f*** buddy has done is look at a guy for a second. It’s not okay. Obviously no one up there would give a monkey but as one in a billion people down here, if you know young children, seriously take them under your wing. Let them know that life is hard, but they have to be smart in order to live it properly and to the fullest. Teach them and hone their skills. Don’t let them be the ditsy idiots of the future.

This media culture is fast becoming the new religion of the world, and don’t get me wrong I like some of the gossip that comes from it, but I prefer fashion and beauty tips. Marriage is slowly becoming “the opium of the people” and I’d like it to go back to what it was years ago. Please.

Here is my main problem, I can’t focus well enough! Focusing, as a creative airhead is very hard, but I can do it. When you study English literature at college and university level there is a lot to comprehend. Whatever you may think about spending two to three years reading nonstop, writing analytical studies, writing your own pieces and trying to memorise quotations that can quieten a crowd may seem easy and make you feel care free, but I can guarantee my optimism did not soften the blow. I find it hard. Okay, that’s a lie, English literature is fine, the analysis’ I make about poetry and the texts we have to remember are great, but imagine being told by examiners’ that you have to focus on one tiny detail in a vast book. I could write about anything! Anything I tell you, but that one tiny subject requires you to be clever and tactful. The examiner doesn’t want a book review; they want you to write about this subject until your fingers bleed. Oh jeez… I’m repeating myself.

I call myself a creative airhead, and what I mean by this is my lack of concentration on just one subject as I want to make links and comparisons with everything. For example, let’s look at The Da Vinci Code. Most people have seen the movie and read the book (and here is my airhead sentence) I really liked them both. You can pick up the main subjects that feed the story, like the hunt for the grail, the focus on the main character Robert Langdon is crucial and perhaps look at the albino monk. For me, and I think most people those would be some of the main focus points and you could easily write a study about the book, chapter or character. However, what is expected are analytical studies on the locations, the clothes, the thoughts and feelings of lesser characters like Andre Vernet or Lt. Jerome Collet. That seems easy enough when you look at it, and sure you could write all day and night about who they are and how they impact on the importance of the story, BUT, you are limited. You can only write about one or two aspects of the chosen subject and not the other irrelevant stuff even though you know those points could be relevant. I end up waffling on about other stuff, and that’s what limits my potential grade.

At the moment we are focusing on the World War One themes in poetry, plays, TV shows and a set storybook text. We had just over a month to finish an essay focusing on one such factor by comparing and analysing this subject on a play and TV show. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve written and re-written this essay. I want to get it absolutely close to perfection as I can get it. I do sit and wonder why I get so caught up, and my friend even asked me the other day. I get wound up, because I’m working toward a career that will make me happy, and weirdly the jobs I hope to obtain require a lot of focused writing. Journalism, script writing and writing aren’t always easy, but I’m thankful I’m getting practice at this moment in time. I think of it this way, ‘If writing this essay is hard, I’ll have to do my best and get used to it as I’ll be writing essays like these 10 years from now for my pay check’.

All I can do for the moment is study and keep the waffling to my blogs!

Me aged 3 at Skegness

Then I came across an article about how the darker you are, the darker your skin and the more curl you have in your hair, you were deemed ugly by the world. That hit home and I decided at age 13 never to have extensions again. I didn’t want to mould myself into a self hating woman by embracing ideals that many women battle to conform to. I wanted to be different. I wanted to have an afro (sadly I couldn’t attain one as I have strong Caucasian and Indian hair) but I wanted to be as natural as I could for as long as I could. My aunt introduced me to a hairdresser who started to curly perm my hair to give it added strength and curl. It grew even longer within 3 months. Sadly I can’t find any photos right now, but I shall show some in my hair care video =]

Me aged 18

When i was 14/15 I ended up suffering from the first sign of depression after an event that almost ruined me. i gave up looking after myself properly and my hair slowly went back to being natural. Over time my hair fell out, I tried relaxing my hair too as my hair was just kinky rather than curly, but something went wrong. In the end, aged 18 my hair just fell off. I cut my hair really short in order to promote new growth, but back then I like how unique I looked so I kept the style for a while.

Me aged 21

I moved to Manchester for a while, and then came back after a bout of depression, and decided I needed to focus on me. I got myself a job within 3 days of being back home and started saving to get my hair curled again. I was and still am a fan of curly perm and I recommend it to anyone with afro hair. My hair was so full of ‘other things’ that I needed for my body that the first few attempts to curl it didn’t work and my hair went back to being flat and lifeless again. It’s only been the last year or so that my hair has grown back full, longer and with more bounce. I’m half way to where my hair used to be all those years ago, as it brushes on my nape. I also died my hair for the first time late last year to a really dark plum from Live Color XXL, and hopefully for the summer I shall follow society’s conventions just once and dye my hair to suit the coming hot weather. Who knows?

Me aged 23

Wish my hair luck =P – okay the below picture was from Christmas day, my hair has grown a bit more since…

Me now, aged 23

I’m still new to blogging about other topics that inspire me, as I’m doing a little better than okay on my other blog and channel. I know what I want to do for this blog, but so far it’s been a test. It’s been working quite well, and I want to keep it up. I don’t have a schedule, but I would like to focus on a series of topics each month alongside my film music, fashion, food and book/comic reviews. So far, porn will find its way on my agenda as it’s something I don’t know much about and I would like to make up my own mind about it and what it presents to people. I also want to read up on various articles and write my response here, as the space they give for writing comments is still small and I have a lot to say (sometimes). Who knows? I just hope this will be Harlequin’s year.

For this year, well every year in general I have written up resolutions that I intend to keep. I make it a rule that I can add or take away suggestions at any time during January, with the knowledge that I can create a very realistic list. I don’t put things like ‘Climb Mt. Everest’ or state that I want to lose another stone, because those won’t work for me. I love Snickers, Chomp and white chocolate, other than that, I dislike chocolate. I put things like ‘Get a new tattoo’ or ‘Compile new recipes and try at least half of them.’ I enjoy writing lists, followings lists and organising lists. This year I shall share with you my top 5 resolutions which include one thing that may not happen for my arty and culture obsessed life. Another 5 will be located on my other blog here.

Top 5 Harlequin Resolutions

• Build up more of a repertoire! Only two of my videos has been successful as information videos, so I can work on this.
• Finish college, and prepare for my last year next year whilst applying for university for the 50^th time.
• Get my own place to live, and turn it into a creative pad.
• Own 10 pairs of Dr. Martens (I’m just over half way…)
• Dye my hair and reinvent my wardrobe for the summer!

I have many more listed in my journal. This year I need a complete renovation. I need to be more spunky, fun, crazy and wild!

What are your resolutions?

Sy Calaelen

I find the people in this video to be liberating and very sexy. I like people who are more than comfortable outside of the sheep zone, they are creative and free!

click the image to read and watch the full post!

Burning man festival, expect me soon!